Things we forget to thank our exes for: Most people don’t see relationships for what they are because they’re too focused on what they need them to be. We want people to be placeholders – buffers between us and ourselves, promises that will save us from the brutal inevitability of our existence…
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We don’t have a healthy perception of what it means to connect and share a life with someone – even if just a portion of it – because we aren’t taught.
We don’t learn how to be grateful for what doesn’t work out, or to see everything for what it can teach us, how it can bring us closer to the people we hope to be. We think that the only good love is forever love, because what we want from love is the same thing we want from marriage and religion and an inflated sense of self-purpose: to be saved.
So we begin to believe that whatever existed between us and our now-fizzled-out-flames is obsolete, because it didn’t fuel us forever. We have a hard time accepting that the things that end weren’t necessarily wrong, they were just designed for that time, or for a purpose that was already served. Here, a few steps toward getting there, all the things you should thank your ex for:
1. For showing you what needed to be healed. The most beautiful thing about love is that it illuminates everything, but most especially the things that stand in the way of it. And as it happens, those things – insecurity and limiting beliefs and a disconnect from yourself and a desire to be saved – tend to stand in the way of a lot of other things too. Love forces you to see them, and love will help you heal them, very often by leaving you to do it yourself.