6 Things you must stop doing if you really want to enjoy sex

1. 69ing

OK, who is still pretending that they like to 69 with their partner? Because I would really like to meet them and say, “Can you stop? 5exual novices everywhere are 69ing because they heard somewhere that it was DARING, KINKY, COOL and it’s not!” 69ing is your own personal private hell. Imagine if that’s what you had to do after you died? Your afterlife was trying to go down on someone while they’re going down on you. Basically you’d spend an infinite amount of time with a person’s ass AND genitalia in your face.

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By the way, how is that physically possible? Seriously, how is it that every time you 69 with someone, all of their no-no areas end up in your face, front and back?! Is there secretly a third party trying to catch a free ride here? I’ve asked MANY people about their thoughts re: 69ing and it’s unanimous: they hate it. It’s too distracting and they only did it when they first started having 5ex because, I don’t know, 5ex and the City told them to? The only way I could conceive of 69ing being fun is if you railed a bunch of Adderall and could really focus in on the task at hand. Otherwise, just no.

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