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I waited until my wedding night to lose my virginity and I wish I hadn’t..

I waited until my wedding night to lose my virginity and I wish I hadn’t.. 700x359

Sex hurt. I knew it would. Everyone told me it would be uncomfortable the first time. What they didn’t tell me is that I would be back in the bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I didn’t yet comprehend. They didn’t tell me that I’d be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was married and it was supposed to be okay now.

When we got home, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. Everyone knew my virginity was gone. My parents, my church, my friends, my co-workers. They all knew I was soiled and tarnished. I wasn’t special anymore. My virginity had become such an essential part of my personality that I didn’t know who I was without it.

It didn’t get better. I avoided undressing in front of my husband. I tried not to kiss him too often or too amorously so I wouldn’t lead him on. I dreaded bedtime. Maybe he’d want to have sex.

When he did, I obliged. I wanted nothing more than to make him happy because I loved him so much and because I’d been taught it was my duty to fulfill his needs. But I hated sex. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep because I wanted to like it, because it wasn’t fair. I had done everything right. I took the pledge and stayed true to it. Where was the blessed marriage I was promised?

I let it go on this way for almost two years before I broke down. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I told my husband everything. My feminist husband was horrified that I’d let him touch me when I didn’t want him to. He made me promise I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do ever again. We stopped having sex. He encouraged me to see a therapist and I did. It was the first step on a long journey to healing.



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  1. guest says

    Didn't get the essence of the right up. ? cos of your unfortunate experience people should not abstain ? …. or …. ? you can abstain & be informed/prepared for it at the right time… you were simply ill prepared for it psychologically

  2. Darasimi says

    Because it does not work for u doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work 4 others….. u were made 2 believe DAT but u urslf didn’t acquire more knowledge…. am sure u were counsel b4 marriage . Well I doubt ur write up. Am a virgin, my sis z b4 marriage and she enjoyed it and z still enjoying it. #i rep_nosexbeforemarriage

    1. Otiaboh says

      God bless u , u knw i was once a church goer when i was 12 i mesup with girls but today i knw the trueth and am 19 now and well baptised i have made that plegde that i will never in my life have sex or anything sexual to myself ontil i will get marry to my wife ,and i believe God will give me and everyone out there the straight to met this plegde

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