When I got the girl to my apartment later that night, her number jumped from 40 to 60 percent. It had already been climbing steadily from its starting point thanks to a series of subtle slut tells she’d been emitting at the bar. When we started making out, her responsiveness pushed the number to 75 percent. When she announced “I’m not having sex with you,” it climbed to 90 percent. Most experienced womanizers recognize that statement as more-times-than-not a girl’s final, feeble pawing at her sex snooze-button. When, after increasingly spirited making-out, I reached for her pants button, she confessed, “I want to have sex, but guys don’t respect girls who have sex on the first date. And, [in a disappointed tone] I’m on my period.” 98 percent. Also See: Bootylicious: Top 20 celebs with the biggest & sexiest butts in the world – You need to see #1 (+Photos)
I responded, with a smirk and joking tone, “If it makes you feel any better I already don’t respect you. I’ll go get a red towel. Go take out that tampon.” She laughed and ran to the bathroom. 100 percent. I don’t normally have sex during periods, but make exceptions for new bangs.
There are no guarantees in life, but I felt increasingly confident throughout the night that I could bang this girl. Why? Because she’d displayed a double-digit count of my classic slut tells.
Tuthmosis’s Abridged List of Slut Tells
1. Has tattoos. This is especially the case if they’re visible, multiple, large, and elaborate. If they have sexual themes, you’re in like Flynn.