Somewhere along the way I stopped saying no. ‘No’ didn’t mean anything anyways. Fighting back was fruitless and crying just made him berate me. I began to believe that I was a terrible wife and that terrible wives need their husbands to put them in their place.
It wasn’t long before I just started to fade away. Anywhere was better than where I was, and anything was better than living in my own failure. Each night, when he would climb on top of me, my body would be there but my mind drifted away to a world where he didn’t exist, where I didn’t exist.
Years went by and children were born. The sex never got any better and he never got any gentler. I never learned how to please him the way he needed.
Eventually he found other women who could.