Secrets to keeping your sex life sizzling and HOT – Remember when weekends were off-limits for anything but laying in bed together? When you’d maybecall it quits to get up and make some breakfast, only to fall back between the sheets? When you didn’t need to open PornHub because you were getting so much sex?
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Well, it’s no secret that as the years go by in a relationship, our sex lives lose steam. There’s even science behind it: the dopamine spike from sex with the same partner decreases over time but spikes with a new one. And unless you’re a fan of polyamory or swinging, that’s rarely an option.
The good news? It is possible to maintain a healthy sex life and strong relationship. We turned to the relationship counsellors of Reddit – and some science – for five secrets to making sure you do.
1. Never Get Complacent With The Frequency, Positions Or Quality
When you’re younger or just starting out in a relationship, you tend to be adventurous. The newness – especially of the physical part – piques your curiosity and you’re running on this massive adrenaline spike. But you can create similar excitement years later.
Many sex therapists and authors suggest doing it anywhere but the bedroom. But if the kitchen counter isn’t a viable option (flatmates, kids…), Reddit user Bocifous suggests hiring a hotel room every once in a while: “I’ve had that problem for a long time. One thing I’ve found to be great is kind of simple, I get a hotel to every few months. For some reason just being somewhere different adds a spark. At home I would rather watch Netflix etc. But at a hotel it’s totally different.”
Additionally, don’t be afraid to bring up things you wouldn’t have thought twice about in the beginning, when you were both up for anything. In the past she may have said that she’s not into of spanking or rear entry (and fair enough) but that doesn’t mean she wants things to remain completely vanilla or doesn’t want to change things up, too.
“Just because someone doesn’t like one aspect that deviates from vanilla doesn’t mean they won’t like anything,” says Redditor mrimperfect. “Vice versa works here too. Just because someone is kinky in one way, doesn’t mean they are going to be into everything. Even if you may perceive their kinks to be extreme.”
You can even have less than comfortable conversations about sex – what you want more of, what you’re missing – via text if it’s easier for you both to open up that way. Do whatever works for you both to communicate. “Try new things in the bedroom. My wife and I talked openly about our sex-life and what we wanted, which was great,” says this Redditor. “Though this conversation happened through text, which in an odd way made it easier for us both to open up.”
When you find yourself settling for less than amazing, it’s time for a reality check – and some communication – because chances are she’s feeling the same way. Even if it means rocking the boat. Complacency has the danger of becoming your new normal, and neither of you want that.
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