5. Up your (non-sexual) intimacy
Practice increasing intimate behaviors. If you’ve had little or no physical contact for a while as a couple, start sitting facing each other with your knees touching. Get grounded in your own chair. Look each other in the eyes, breath and wait two minutes.
Now take turns talking about only what you like about your partner for 10 minutes. Then switch roles. You’re proving to one-another nothing horrible needs to happen between when you communicate. Next time you do this start with the other person first.
When you’re the speaker, pause periodically to allow feedback from your partner to clarify what they heard you say about them. The listener then needs to allow the speaker to clarify what they meant. As the listener, you cannot become upset because the speaker did not validate your opinion of what they said.
This takes practice! As you may have powerful, entrenched agendas in your patterns of communication. Relax. Your agendas will rear-up their predictable heads. Wait for your turn to listen or talk.
Do the best job you can in each encounter, knowing you can improve next time. Hug calmly for the conclusion of your first session. Simply hold one another while standing. No patting, talking or caressing. Go to separate places afterward where you can each write your feelings privately about this new set of experiences. Repeat this step at least once a week.
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