Things you do unknowingly that push men away – They seem innocent enough … but they’re KILLERS! We all know the story of how relationships begin. You see a guy in a bar. Or in the library. Or at the grocery store (as you slyly try to hide the box of tampons you’ve just pulled off the shelf).
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Your eyes meet. Your heart races. He smiles. You smile.
You go out and have a nice time. You go on a second date. He says he’ll call, and he actually does — and he doesn’t even wait three days to do it!
After you see each other a few more times, you start to think this could be the beginning of something great. Something real.
And then … end scene.
He stops calling. He ignores your texts. He disappears from the face of the Earth. You begin to wonder if you’ll find his sweet face on a milk carton.
Or, he does return your texts, but she tops initiating them on his own, and grows more and more distant without explanation.
Either way, you’re left scratching your head and wondering what the hell happened.
The good news is you’re not alone.
The disappearing man is a common problem for women in today’s world, leaving a trail of women behind with wounded self-esteem and heavily beaten down romantic confidence.
The disappearing man makes the end of a relationship far more difficult than it might have been by refusing to tell you the motivation for his departure.
Usually, his silence is the result of one of these three things:
- He is unable to articulate why he’s just not feeling it.
- He want to spare you hurt feelings.
- Harsh as it sounds, he doesn’t care enough about the relationship to take the time to explain himself.
Because he won’t say why he vanished, you’re left in the difficult position of trying to guess. Often, this results in you repeating the same self-defeating patterns, because how can you learn from something no one ever explains?
One of the reasons for the disappearing man, if perhaps not the main reason, is something that women do called “Filling the Space.”
This is how it works: When two people meet, there is a space between the two of them and they each take turns stepping into this space. They may step into it with their words, their presence, or their actions. If the woman is the predominant space-filler, the dynamic isn’t balanced. The guy gets turned off and he doesn’t even know exactly why. But, there is a reason behind the madness.
If you’re a space filler in the relationship, you are likely a leader or initiator in the dating dynamic. There’s nothing wrong with these qualities. The world needs strong women. However, when it comes to dating — particularly the early stages of dating — this unbalance can de-claw the man, at least in is mind.
A man who doesn’t feel that there’s any room for him to be masculine or directive will dislike this dynamic. He reluctantly takes a backseat and, ultimately, pulls away from the relationship.
It’s not that he has to be in control — you are not expected to greet him at the door with a martini like a bad 1950s vacuum advertisement — but there needs to be a balance. When you are the one in charge, he feels inferior. All people by nature shy away from things that make them feel less than.
To figure out if this is what’s been happening in your relationships, try asking yourself the following 5 questions:
1. Do you text more frequently than he does?
Do you initiate things more often? If your texts are double the amount of his, your balance may be shaky.
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