Ways to deal with an ex who’s tormenting you life – Although it’s a funny term, dealing with one is anything but laughable. We, at Dear Divorce Coach, have coined the term “toxhole” to refer to an ex who is both toxic and an a**hole too. There’s the ex who dumped you unreasonably or maybe didn’t even give you the satisfaction of saying goodbye. Some exes treat you terribly during a relationship. Worse than both of those exes, however, are those, unhappy in your relationship but unhappier after the split.
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If you don’t have children with them, it’s easy to put as much distance between you and them as humanly possible and not be exposed to their negative fuming. But, what if you do have kids and are required to co-parent with them, or rather, with a toxhole, attempt to do so?
There are no easy answers but there are some coping and communication strategies you can use to make your life more manageable. After all, you deserve to have a life after your breakup or divorce, even if it appears their single-minded purpose is to ensure otherwise.
Try these 5 strategies and let us know your story and what we can do to help. We have tools to make life better, for you and your children:
1. Boundaries are key.
Communicate about matters of importance involving the children and nothing else. Think of your new co-parenting relationship as a business relationship.
You and your ex are involved in one of the most important “corporate” relationships you will ever have as “CEOs” of your kids’ childhoods. Maintain a professional demeanor in email communications, be flexible and cooperative when possible, and don’t take the bait of any negative or punishing comments from your ex.
You wouldn’t do it at work so don’t do it at home.
If your relationship with your ex is difficult, you should also likely not text except in the event of an emergency. It is too easy to respond with hostility in the moment and you must avoid this at all cost.
Your kids are far more important than any work project so give them the respect they deserve by refusing, no matter the temptation, of reducing yourself to the level of a toxhole ex.