Flirting with a girl – There’s a right time and multiple WRONG times to approach a woman — know the difference. It seems that it’s time to talk about good ideas and bad ideas when it comes to approaching women. See, last week, an example of holy hopping sheep shit never do this from 2013 called “How To Talk To A Woman Who’s Wearing Headphones” resurfaced. The Internet was, to put it mildly, not impressed.
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Part of the PUA site The Modern Man, this article promises to help men succeed in approaching women who rudely insist on wearing headphones and being unapproachable.
Now, I’ve written before about why you don’t want to approach women wearing headphones. However, the article itself is a fractal of awful that manages to take an already shitty set-up and make it worse.
This article – and the site in general – encompases many, many of the mistakes that men make when approaching women. Not only does much of this advice ensure that you won’t get a date, but following it makes women feel even more threatened and at risk. In the end, everyone loses. YAY!
So while the rest of the Internet is frying themselves a rasher of Bacon for ignoring the universal Do Not Disturb sign, I want to break down the mistakes and why they’ll ruin your chances. After all, part of the point of this blog is to teach men to be better men. There’s no point in approaching women if you’re just going to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by being an asshat.
1. You’re assuming she’s there for you
Imagine that you are walking down the street. You’ve gone one block and a guy is following you asking you to buy his mix CD. He gives up, but now you see two people with clipboards and you’ve just made eye-contact with them. Now they’re coming up to you wanting money, or your signature. If you get past them, there’s a homeless person who really just needs a smoke, man.
Annoying, isn’t it? Now imagine that you’re actively trying to avoid them… so they’re getting in your face. They’re planting themselves directly in your path. They’re waving their hands in your face, so you have to look at them. You don’t want to be bothered, but they really want your time and attention. After all: why wouldn’t you be open to giving to charity? Or discovering a new band?
Welcome to Dan Bacon’s ideas about approaching women. Let’s kick this off with a direct quote:
These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.
Yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them.
Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking.
However, if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.
Right from the jump, we’ve got the first mistake many men make when it comes to approaching women, neatly encapsulated in one sentence. “That doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to them.”
Well actually yes. Yes it does.
See, as a general rule, people (not just women, people) who’re wearing headphones are doing so for a specific purpose: they’re choosing to listen to their music or podcasts or even just blocking out the sound of the world around them. Sometimes it’s just because they really want to enjoy some tunes and the glory of music. Sometimes it means that they want something to occupy their minds during their runs or their commutes. Other times, it’s because they prefer to put a literal barrier between them and the people around them.
But to Bacon – and the random /r9k/ gentleman earlier – headphones are less of a “do not disturb” sign and more of an inconvenient roadblock for their penis. They represent something to be overcome because their desire to hit on a woman overrides her desire not to be bothered.
And that is the key first mistake: assuming that women exist for you to hit on them. Or that women owe you anything at all in the first place – whether it be a smile, a hello or even their attention.
It’s the same sense of entitlement that underpins a host of dating mistakes, from Nice Guy behavior to harassing and groping women at conventions. Or for guys to present women with pics of their junk like a cat dropping off a dead bird. Or, for that matter, the belief that you should be getting in a woman’s face and waving at her to force her to notice you.
Don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing inherently wrong with approaching women. It’s fine to want to meet someone. There’s nothing wrong with finding her attractive or wanting to get her number. It’s when you decide that what you want means more than what she wants that there’s a problem.