3. You’re approaching women who don’t want to be approached
Let’s go back to Bacon and The Modern Man for a moment. Here’s another direct quote from his post:
The key to talking to a woman who is wearing headphones (or who has her face buried into her smartphone and checking Facebook) is to be confident, relaxed and easy going as you talk to her.
Of course, not all women who wear headphones are open to being approached or hoping to be approached. However, you can only find that out by starting a conversation and seeing what happens.
Actually, he’s wrong – you already know. She’s not; that’s why she’s wearing headphones. She is, quite literally, shoving things over or into her ears so she can’t hear you. She is putting barriers between you and her.
For all you know, she may not even be listening to anything on her headphones. Many women will just leave their earbuds in to signal that they’re not interested in talking to you. Similarly, a woman who’s absorbed in a book or her phone and is otherwise not paying attention to you, is letting you know that she doesn’t want to talk. That, incidentally, is not your cue to block her path like she’s about to step into traffic.
It doesn’t matter how relaxed or confident or “alpha” you are because you are going where you aren’t wanted.
Contrary to popular belief, women don’t just sit around hoping for dudes to assume they’re ready to get picked up. Women actually put a lot of effort into being approachable and showing that they are interested in being approached. Women who want you to approach them will let you know. I’ve written extensively about how to recognize a woman’s approach invitations or how to recognize when women are ok with someone coming up to talk to them.
But what if she’s shy? What if she doesn’t know how to give those signals? Then you test for them. Make eye contact. Give a smile and see if she smiles back. Does she give a perfunctory smile before returning to her phone? Not interested. Does she not pull off her headphones herself, without your doing the “take those off” dance?
Then she’s not interested.
If you want better results when you’re approaching women, stick to women who want you to approach them. If she’s wearing headphones, then she’s already sending you a message.
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