5. You don’t establish boundaries or stand up for yourself and your needs/limits.
Is it smart or a mistake to have boundaries? Always? Under the circumstances? Wouldn’t it be fascinating to observe your boundaries over time? You can do that with a Boundaries notebook. This assumes you have been dating awhile and feel free to discuss what’s really going on.
To start off, you might share “When you do____, I feel _____” (i.e. “When you are late every time we go out, I feel like I’m not very important to you.” “When you don’t even ask me what I feel like doing, I feel taken for granted.”)
If it’s not comfortable to communicate that way at the moment you’re feeling the feeling, then make a commitment for once a week to share out loud, “When you…I feel….”
In the notebook by your name and date, write “late when we go out” or “ask what s/he feels like doing” as a reminder the issue has been discussed.
You might also ask your partner’s advice about dealing with their habits that disturb you, such as ignoring them at parties, or angry outbursts: “When you do. . . and I get mad, what can I say so that we don’t both end up not talking to each other for days?”
You could use a pre-arranged signal: whining, nonverbal pouting, shaking your finger, hands on hips, etc. to indicate, “You are steeping over the line, and I don’t like it.”
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