Things only a GREAT husband will do – Listen up, fellas. Every man or woman who is looking for a damn good husband is up against it. Truth is, most guys are douchey in some way. Probably now more than ever. I should know. I’m super-douchey. Or I was, anyway. Not as bad as some guys, mind you; the only thing I need to do these days in order to make myself feel superior to a lot of men is to open my eyes and ears.
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There’s no shortage of married people (or divorced people as it may be) who are more than willing to go on and on about what a colossal f*cknut they ended up hinged to.
But I find real solace in admitting my faults, past and present. It’s the only way forward. We live in strange times. Humans are rapidly becoming self-absorbed. Higher consciousness and deeper understanding of our own selves, of our own shortcomings and our own broken paths — it’s all going the way of the dinosaur. Maybe there’s too much to think about. Or maybe we’re all just getting dumber. There’s no app for being decent. But there will be before long, trust me.
Yet, it’s not too late. Like I said, it feels good to turn the cameras back onto your own heart/guts/feelings/actions/mind. It’s progressive. It’s courageous. And, surprise, surprise, it’s helpful as hell.
I’ve been divorced now for about two years and in that time I’ve made a lot of progress. I still have miles and miles to go, though — becoming a better person, and maybe even a better husband someday, it’s a lifelong trip. You don’t wake up one morning cured of all your ill-fated tendencies. Your big blind eyes don’t suddenly see the true light forever after a couple of TED Talks or self-help books. Oh, no.
Dudes need to man up. Day in, day out. And along the way, you fall off the wagon. It’s human nature. It’s OK. I do it all the time; I say terrible things; I feel the raging jealousy of a thousand Napoleons; my heart hurts and it comes out my mouth in a raging torrent of jaded bitterness.
However, I figure the difference between me and a lot of other husbands/ex-husband/future husbands is that after a lot of self-work, I almost always recognize my own idiotic ways instantly now. And, I’ve got to tell you, that recognition been a true lifesaver for me.
Because simple-minded self-righteousness is more than likely the leading cause of broken homes and divorce. When husbands (or wives!) refuse to acknowledge that the collective good is worth sacrificing some of the voices in your head for, love is doomed.
So, a bit of insight, shall we? From a guy whose marriage ended to those who don’t want theirs to. This ain’t rocket science and I know it. But reminders from the real world are worth their weight in starlight. And so it goes.
Here are 4 things a good husband will do without being asked.
1. He listens.
For God’s sake’s, listen up. Stop trying to crowbar your beliefs and opinions into every square inch of your love affair. It’s horrific. It’s a bullet in the temple of the person down the pillow. Listening doesn’t mean some 1953 version of taking out the trash when you’re told, either. What I’m talking about is opening your mind by shutting down your ever-clanking mind.
When something becomes heated or seems genuinely of concern to the woman in your life, take a deep-ass breath, let it out slow, and say to yourself, “NOW is the time for me to step out of the ESPN 4 that is my brain and focus entirely and completely on what this lovely lass in front of me is saying.”
This might happen in the car on the way to the grocery store. This might happen while you’re hustling kids out the door in the morning. This might happen during the middle of hot spontaneous sex in the dressing room at Macy’s. (Wait, what? You guys don’t do that anymore? It’s been YEARS?! Oh, you kids need to go try on some “slacks.”)
Listening isn’t something you need time to prepare yourself to do. You simply need to train your impetuous mind to stop on the dime when you recognize she needs you to hear her. Right now. And then doing it.
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