I took note of every mean thing I said to my boyfriend for a month, And this is what I found

I took note of every mean thing I said to my boyfriend : I don’t think of myself as a mean person. I am human, and I can get angry or bitter from time to time, and I don’t deny that — but I wouldn’t consider myself overly mean. But as with most people, I know that I have a tendency to take my frustrations out on the people closest to me, because on some level I take for granted the fact that they’ll always be there.

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When it came to saying directly mean things, I did it less than once a day, but I did it more on days when I was upset about work. When I was angry about work or something else in my personal life, I had a tendency not to talk about it directly, but I would say more directly mean things. It was a way of subverting my anger into something easier to manage, that gave me immediate release.

Often, when I would engage in small arguments, I wasn’t actually angry. In fact, when I took note of when I was doing it, the most common emotion I felt was boredom. It seemed like I was nitpicking or feeding arguments simply to have something to do.

Almost every time I received a compliment, I said something negative. I decided to count self-deprecating or sarcastic responses to compliments as something mean, and I found that nearly every time, I responded that way. It was easier for me to dismiss a compliment than to accept it head-on and understand that he genuinely believed it.

When I look at the facts, I’m ashamed of myself. There’s no escaping fact that the old expression “we always hurt the ones we love” is very true. I know that it is, now more than ever, because I’ve monitored myself and confirmed it. After seeing this stuff head-on, I talked to my boyfriend about it, and we were both pretty shocked. He told me that he didn’t view me as mean at all, but that he can tell when I’m stressed out from work, and he wishes I would ask him for help instead of getting angry at him. It broke my heart, the level of understanding he showed, even in the face of my clearly mean behavior.

But then again, I think most people, if they carried on this little experiment honestly, would find similar results. And honestly, it’s a very important thing to do, because now that I have this information, I know how to make it better. And I know what I was like before. I will make myself be gracious for compliments, and be honest about my frustrations (instead of turning them into anger), and to take a second to breathe before starting a petty argument for nothing. I’m glad I was able to look at this side of myself, because it is clearly something that would have gone on forever (and gotten worse) if I didn’t.

But how would you fare if you tried this? And what would you do to be better about it?

And why aren’t you doing that already?

-thoughtcatalog

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