30 weirdest things Nigerian men have said to women during s*x

Things Nigerian men have said : In a popular Blackberry channel that caters to social issues pertaining to Nigerian women, a question was asked, which is… “Why do men say the freakiest things during sex?” While 15% of the women in the discussion didn’t like a noisy lover because of the embarrassing stares to deal with from neighbours, a whooping 85% revealed they’d take a noisy lover any day over the quiet zombie lover. They said they couldn’t stand men who made it impossible to tell when they had reached orgasm.

The ladies spilled on the weirdest things they’ve ever heard their lovers say to them just at that moment they reached orgasm…

WARNING!!! HOLD YOUR RIBS…

“I once dated this guy who used to tell me, ‘Baby open for me, I’m coming!” I ditched him before he tore my legs apart.” – Rita “This guy used to grind my pretty kitty like I hired him to. Just when he’s about to cum, he’d say, ‘pleasssss baby lemme cum in your arse.’ One day, I left him mid-sentence and ran to the bathroom. Dude had to wank himself till he poured his stupid juice on the floor.” – Omo “Ondo guys can go haywire on top pussy. My ex was a typical example. He’d say, ‘Oya call me your husband…oya say it loud!…louder!!” -Bimbo “Some idiot used to call me MUMMY when he was about to cum…. I was like,’na so you dey do ya mama?” -Nnenna “Ah, there was this my Bobo that used to cry like I just beat the shit out of him. He would cry and cry, holding me so tight, almost breaking my bones. I couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t just my idea of romance at all at all.” -Kate “My ex used to say, ‘help me slap my butt so I can pour all in you.” -Brenda “I once had this really really tush ex…swag on point, with a British accent. All that speaking for nose dey disappear when time reach. Dude cries in Igbo…thick Mbaise Igbo that will deafen you.” – Ngo “I had one guy that used to ask me to stick my finger in his anus until one day my finger came out covered in shit… That was the end of that relationship.” -Mya “I had this irritating boyfriend that would say to me, ‘how come you don’t cry when I f**k you? I want you to cry, cry , cry! I want you to cry for me!!” -Ene “I just wanna put it in and cuddle. I swear I won’t move. I promise. I just want to hold you and cuddle you. Mtchewww…I don turn teddy bear.” -Rose “After 9/11 a guy told me the bomb wants to explode…….where??? I asked, he said inside that sweet pu**y. Nonsense! Make he go Afghanistan go release him bomb ooo… not my kitty.” – Susan “I remember one used to scream my name, ‘Ronkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!’ My neighbours would look at me weird the next morning!” -Ronke “I used to date this guy that will just be cruising my thing only for him to scream when he wants to cum, ‘can i cum in your mouth?’ I’m like, ‘wetin do where you dey?” -Ese “Baby!!! Oh…ya… you’re so sweet…you f**k well…so wet…now give it to me! Your pu**y is the bomb! Na my pussy dey bomb northern states?” -Sade “I once went into a relationship with a crazy guy in the 80s. I don’t even know how I ended up there…but the guy would be like…”Baaaaaby come for meeeeee am almost there….Oya urinate…urinate oooo…fast ooo…unrinaaaatioooooo!” -Gladys “My ex used to say, ‘haaaa I’m going to die here….I must die here ooooooooo!!!’ Had to break up with him before he dies in my house one day and I’m whisked to jail.” -Aisha “I’m shooting baby, I’m shoot……..ING!” -Grace “I used to date this devout Muslim who prayed 5 times a day. But when he’s about to cum he’d say ‘JEEEEESSSUS, BLOOD OF JESUS, OJIGBIJIGBI, O PA MI O, O TI PAMI O (YOU’VE KILLED ME) YEEEPA, AARIN ORI MI OOO (THE MIDDLE OF MY HEAD)'” – Nike “I had one who after cumming will curl up like a baby and keep moaning for a while.” – Yvonne “Mine was baby pop that pu**y…….I kept thinking if my pussy na pop corn?” – Elo “Ooohhh baby kill me, kill meeeeee!! I tell am to go stand for express make motor kill am. No be me.” – Ufuoma “I had a kid while I was in secondary school and from then on felt my VJJ had become slack. I later dated this guy during my NYSC days who’d shout, ‘Oh heaven, oh paradise! Is this a toto?! Oh better than toto…!” -Nse “Mine would be like ahhhhhhhhhhh oooooo yeeeeeeeee sweeeeeeeet oya open your sugar I wan I wan I I wan pour my akamuuuuuu yeeeeeeeee e dey come open na open na open make I pour u thick akamu as u dey like am!” -Tari “Na so my boyfriend go dey sing Beyonce remix…’say my name!…say my name!” -Gina There was one guy who almost went into a convulsion. He finished cumming leapt off the bed, sat on the floor clutching his head. He said he had an earth scattering climax. I was thinking what’s all this demo, don’t die here. “I once dated this younger guy who’d shout, “Yeeeeeeeee oooooo chaiiiii na who say old toto no dey sweet? …… your old toto won kill me oooooo!!!” -Stella “‘Baby I’m cuming squeeze my nipples’ and I’m like huh?!” – Ebube “One night, my neighbour and his babe were at it. The next thing I hear is ‘babe I want to piss’ and the babe started shouting, ‘noooo piss am put!'” -Caro

“I once had an affair with a younger guy and while he was at it, he’d scream my husband’s name…’na wetin Vita dey enjoy be dis? Vita oooooo…..chai, Vitaaa…Vitaaaaaa!!!” -Doris