Ways to apologise: Saying “I’m sorry” and meaning it is crucial to your life and relationship. Here’s how. With all due respect to “I love you,” the most important eight-letter phrase in the English language is “I am sorry.” Life and its myriad minor endeavors are an exercise in trial and error even on days when you got a hot hand. Our mastery of cause and effect doesn’t always even extend past our own body. Life has too many independent variables, free radicals, and soundbites from smug TV news litter-boxes to ever fully link intent and outcome.
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Even the purest hearts can cause a swath of destruction like a drunk Godzilla trying to make it to a slice of pizza on the other side of Tokyo. And really all the rest of us want is an apology. We made a gigantic mistake teaching the phrase “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission” to dumb people without teaching them how to say “sorry” first.
Here’s the best way to apologize to someone because a good and well-met apology has basically just four parts.
1. Know what injury you may have caused even if it’s inadvertent .
Unintended consequences are still consequences. I get it. We’re all snowflakes. We all catch feelings too easy. We’re all soft as baby poop. However, if you want to maintain a relationship with someone, it’s unlikely that you yelling “FEELINGS AIN’T FACTS, SUNSHINE!” is gonna smooth over ruffled feathers. Frankly, it’s kind of flattering to know that our actions (and words) have such long-reaching consequences.
However, those big-ass feet you’ve got sometimes step on toes both on the dance floor and on the way out of the subway. Know that. Believe that. Put yourself in the flip flops that a person with bad judgment has been wearing around New York all day when you do accidentally crunch a big toe. These are metaphors.
Here’s the rhubarb with this one: it’s possible that your level of empathy isn’t able to register this wound no matter how hard you try. And rhubarb part two: you may suspect the aggrieved party is behaving like a male, European soccer player who was jostled a bit in front of a referee. The latter is a problem.
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