Ways men try to communicate: It’s your turn to listen, ladies. We all know good communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. So when communication is lacking, the relationship suffers. We have been told that men and women come from different planets (totally believable) and the fact that we aliens communicate differently just adds fuel to the fire. Women complain that men avoid talking like the plague.
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Men complain that when they try to speak their truth, it starts a fight, they feel dismissed and so they give up and clam up.
We have been socialized (both men and women) to believe that men are callous, don’t have feelings and don’t desire to communicate like women do.
Despite my education and experience to the contrary, I am still surprised by the depth of feeling, emotion and introspection men express in my office when they talk about theirrelationships.
News flash: These deep thoughts and feelings are rarely shared with their partner.
Why? Men don’t talk in relationships — not even with their guy friends. Oh sure they talk, but they don’t talk.
But that doesn’t mean that men don’t feel, after all, they share with me.
Why? Because when they feel absolutely comfortable they will spill the desires of their hearts, just like women do. And it is beautiful. And guess what? They want that too.
So, how do you get the man that I see on my couch instead of the Arctic Ocean that shows up on your couch?
A surefire way not to get it is to ask the dreaded “can we talk” question. Although there are necessary times and places for these requests in your relationship, it does not set the stage for good dialogue. After all, when it comes to communication, it doesn’t matter what you say, it only matters what is heard.
When a woman asks to talk, the man hears: “You did something wrong. I am probably upset and you will be blindsided by a lot of questions you don’t know how to answer. This is going to take a long time. You will not win and you can probably forget about sex tonight too- unless you play your cards right, which you probably won’t.”
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