They ooze negativity and are pretty much hitting the final nail in their own relationship coffin. You get what you expect and no more, and if more arrives, you don’t trust it, you look for the catch, and, ultimately, you push it away.
The problem for most of us is that we never get beyond the stage of accepting our current reality as the truth.
Rarely someone will actually question their truths. For instance, when I hear someone say, “I’m just not cut out for marriage”, I question them around it.
The biggest driving force we have as human beings is to make and develop connections with others (to love and be loved). The reason we are still going strong after all these hundreds or thousands of years is our innate desire to connect and belong.
We are social creatures, we feel happiest when we feel connected to others and when we don’t, it often leads to depressions, addictions and all sorts of other maladies.
So for anyone questioning that they are just not cut out for relationships, I would ask… What makes you so different from the rest of us?
If the answer is a series of bad experiences, then I would ask you, what would it take to create a different experience? Here are 5 ways to do it:
1. Define your ideal relationship.
When I ask clients to define their ideal relationship, they produce a list of what they don’t want, which is great information to have — but I want to know is what you do want?
Write 50 characteristics your partner and your relationship would have. I don’t mean how he looks or where you live, how much money he earns or what his job is. I mean the real stuff, the goosebump-y bits that make your heart sing.
How does he treat you, how do you spend your time, do you need a lot of your own time? How will he respond to this need? What will you do together? What are the non-negotiables? Will it be breakfast in bed or weekends spent at the beach?
Is he a huge fan of Christmas? Does he pull out all the stops or he is happy to have a quiet family time?
What is important to you? Keep going until you hit 50 then find another ten.
It isn’t about your current reality, it isn’t about knowing how you will make these things happens this is about dreaming a dream that becomes a non-negotiable in your life.
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