There were murmurs and sounds of agreement coming from the men and the women. Everyone had some variation of my experience. We hunger for intimacy and connection but feel there’s something missing in us. We look for our missing selves in another.
Yet we still feel insecure and afraid. What if we lose them? What if we give ourselves away to them? What if there’s no real self to give away?
These questions started me on a search to understand what men really need and how we can communicate to those we love.
So here are some of the things I’ve learned over the last 50 years, and women can use this knowledge in order to know how to understand men:
1. We’re really more alike than different.
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My friend and colleague, John Gray, wrote the quintessential sex and gender book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It was written in 1992 and has sold more than 50 million copies.
It’s a metaphor that resonates with people, but makes us imagine that we are more different than we really are. We all hunger for love, to be seen and heard, to be cared for and supported, right here on Earth. We’re not all that different.
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