#9 – Porn, Round 2

Then there is the “next round” situation.  Too many times, a husband uses porn again, even after his wife has expressed how hurt this makes her feel.  This is an extension of his feeling that it doesn’t mean much (i.e. the impersonal nature of sex for men) and the fact that for many, it’s hard to give up – for the same reason affairs can be hard to give up.  It makes him feel good, fulfills his fantasies, and is easy.  And, trust me, things with the wife after the porn use has been discovered are complicated!  Sex is probably hard to come by at that particular moment…but it’s still not a good idea to continue to use the porn.

This second betrayal is even worse than the first one.  As one woman told her husband in a session recently, “The first time I could say that you didn’t understand how porn would hurt me.  But now I’ve explained it and you’re still using it!  How hurtful is that?  Don’t you care about me at ALL???”

So, there are lots of important reasons porn can really damage your relationship.  If you’ve already found that out the hard way, I hope this post helps you understand why and helps you be more empathetic to your wife’s struggle.  In my next post I’ll write about what couples can do to recover from the upset that porn can cause.

-Melissa Orlov & Dr. Ned Hallowell

via ADHD and Marriage

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