Instead, take a breath and tolerate the knowledge that you have flaws. What you did is in you, and you are the one who needs to get familiar with it. Only then can you be confident that you are capable of making better choices.
It’s a good idea to get involved in therapy at this point. A neutral outsider can make space for you to open up your hated parts and get to acquainted with them. In this way, you can begin to forgive yourself. Paradoxically, forgiving yourself is a vital step in taking responsibility for yourself.
3. Apologize to your partner
It might not be accepted the first dozen times, but do it, anyway. Tell them how very sorry you are. No matter how much you want to make excuses, don’t.
Tell them you want to mend your relationship and you’ll do anything to accomplish that. At this point, no matter how your partner responds, stick to this message, and only this message.
2. End the affair
It has to be done, clearly and without any doubt. Waffling will make everything worse for everyone.
No matter how much pain you feel, you need to be willing to do the hard thing. You will have to tolerate a lot of horrible feelings.
1. Don’t make excuses
If you’re hoping to heal your relationship and save your marriage, get over the idea that you have some excuse. You don’t.
There are reasons for what you’ve done, but there are no excuses. You’ve broken your promises and invalidated your contract.
By Cheryl Gerson, yourtango
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