Allow yourself to feel bad. In this culture, it’s become not okay to feel bad. Books, gurus, and TV commercials all urge you to take a pill, get back out there, get a massage — anything but sit with your sad feelings and actually feel them.
But being sad is a part of life. No one can be happy 100 percent of the time — nor should you. It’s only a problem if you become so attached to your unhappiness that you are reluctant to give it up because it’s become part of your identity.
Fresh off finding out that someone you love doesn’t love you back, I recommend turning off the computer, not going out and getting drunk, and not numbing your feelings in any way. Sit in a quiet area and allow yourself to feel as bad as you like for at least an hour. Really FEEL it. Chances are you will need to do this less and less every day.
There is a difference between allowing yourself to feel bad and “wallowing.” Wallowing means you can’t shut up about your unrequited love. Every conversation turns to him. You overanalyze everything that went wrong. Accept that there is a certain amount — a lot actually — that you will never know. You simply can’t look into another person’s psyche. Force yourself not to talk constantly and write long emails about him to friends. You can actually ask them to simply not respond to you. You will eventually tire yourself out.
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