2. Your Childhood Friend
What she thinks of her:
A girlfriend looks at her boyfriend’s childhood friends like she does his gas grill. It’s relatively mild, but if she’s not careful, it’s going to blow the place sky high.
Why she’s the worst:
She’s already seen the naked pictures… from 20 years ago. She already knows mom’s favorite place to eat. She already knows everything. She’s like the New England Patriots of relationships. It’s like quicksand. Too easy to get in, impossible to get out.
Celebrity cautionary tale: Arnold Schwarzenegger
There are too many tales to count, but Ah-nold is the strongest warning. Apparently freaked out becauseMaria Shriver wears her skeleton on the outside, The Schwarz (that’s not his nickname) knocked up his housekeeper and friend of 20 years. Maria knew something was up when the newborn made a Facebook post about how it was legs day at Gold’s Gym.
1. With… Yourself
What she thinks of you:
That’s up to her. After considering all of her choices, the direction of her life, her own personality, and the likelihood of relationship success, chances are, it’s “meh.”
Why you’re the worst:
Because the Internet has not yet developed an “automatic erase” for the browser history. Also, just remember, she’s the only one who doesn’t care how much you slobber when you eat, how fat you’ve become lately, or that she could probably beat you up. She still chooses to be with you. By spanking your own monkey too often, it will leave her feeling neglected and she will move on to someone who sucks less.
Celebrity cautionary tale: Take Your Pick
Celebrities are people too so there is no telling how many stories exist where a girl caught her guy watching what she can assume is only legal in Germany.
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