Finally, male barbie and social media celebrity, Bobrisky agreed to talk to me. I had been trying to reach the light-skinned sensation for a while but due to the fact that, according to him, ‘he really didn’t trust’ me, all my attempts had failed. Until today. I got a call from Bob and who was I to not take this once in a lifetime opportunity? Here’s how our little discussion went:
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ME: Thank you for finally agreeing to talk to me, Bob!
BOBRISKY: You are welcome.
ME: People are saying you are struggling to be famous. They say no one really cares about what you do but that the clap backs you get involved in are the things that keep you relevant.
BOBRISKY: I am not struggling to be famous o. Ha! With the kind of money I have, why should I struggle to be famous now?
ME: Well, that’s what they say. The other day, someone claimed that you are just a runs boy. That you share your asshole to whoever hold the cash…
BOBRISKY: Ehn, let them say nah. As long as money is rolling in for me.
ME: So you don’t have a bae?
BOBRISKY: I do.
ME: Why haven’t we ever seen his face?
BOB: Because I don’t want all these desperate ones to snatch him from me.
ME: Are you referring to anyone in particular?
BOB: They know themselves. I don’t have to mention anyone’s name. They can continue to hate on me and my bae. He doesn’t care.
ME: But you just said you don’t want them to snatch him for you. If you’re that confident, there wouldn’t be anything for you to fear. Or do you feel insecure?
BOB: Me? Insecure? [laughs] Do you know how much I have in my account? The jewelries I have and everything?
ME: That brings me to what Daddy Freeze said the other day. He said the Rolex you flaunted was fake. Is that true?
BOB: He is no longer relevant. How many people listen to his show? He wants to stay relevant. He knows I am a superstar so he wants to use me to shine. He thought that will help him. I don’t use fake stuff. Do I look like a fake person?
ME: [stifles a giggle at the irony] No. You don’t.
BOB: So why will Daddy Freeze say it is fake? I bought the watch in Atlanta. He may be a watch expert for all I care but he misyarned with that one.
ME: Do you ever have a fear of being kidnapped?
BOB: Why?
ME: Your complexion, the money you flaunt on social media and so on.
BOB: No. Haters cannot get me.
ME: Do you use fake creams?
BOB: Oh, you want to be listening to that girl on IG? She just dey hate. Oloorun ni (she’s an untidy person).
ME: Chai!
BOB: It’s true. My skin is glowing every day. If I use fake creams it will be rotten like those who use fake cream.
ME: What prompted you to want to start charging for your Snapchat?
BOB: I have given people free entertainment for a while now. It’s time to make more money.
ME: Do you think they will subscribe though?
BOB: Those who will do it will do it. The haters won’t. But that’s not my problem. I keep making money.
ME: Any political ambitions?
BOB: I have not decided yet. But the way things are going, I might go to the Senate.
ME: Ha!
BOB: Yeah.
If you think this conversation is real, please bang your head on a wall fifteen times. It should drive the demons from your village away.
This post first appeared on TNS.
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