4. Hiding your emotions
Research suggests that letting your real feelings come through is a better strategy for getting people to like you than bottling it all up. In one 2016 study, University of Oregon researchers videotaped people watching two movie scenes: the fake-orgasm part of the movie “When Harry Met Sally” and a sad scene from “The Champ.” In some cases, the actors were instructed to react naturally; in another they were instructed to suppress their emotions.
College students then watched the four versions of the videos. Researchers measured how much interest the students expressed in befriending the people in the videos, as well as their assessments of the personalities of the people in the videos. Results showed that suppressors were judged less likable — as well as less extroverted and agreeable — than people who emoted naturally.
The researchers write: “People … do not pursue close relationships indiscriminately — they probably look for people who are likely to reciprocate their investments. So when perceivers detect that someone is hiding their emotions, they may interpret that as a disinterest in the things that emotional expression facilitates — closeness, social support, and interpersonal coordination.”
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