LADIES: 12 things that should NEVER go anywhere NEAR your v*gina..

11. Water

Lie under the bathtub faucet, use your detachable shower head, straddle the jets in the Olympic-sized pool, invest in a waterproof vibrator. Just make sure the water’s not scalding hot, and do NOT aim a strong stream of water directly into your vagina — it can cause a fatal air embolism. (That’s when an air bubble gets into your bloodstream — if the bubble reaches your heart or lungs, it can kill you.)