LADIES: 12 things that should NEVER go anywhere NEAR your v*gina..

5. Food

Resist the temptation to recreate the refrigerator scene from 9 1/2 Weeks, at least down there.

The vagina is not a bowl; you can’t eat whipped cream or cereal out of it. Food can be irritating and cause infection. So keep the chocolate sauce and wasabi on tough external skin surfaces only and away from any sensitive mucus membranes.