LADIES: 12 things that should NEVER go anywhere NEAR your v*gina..

7. DIY Toys

Again, there’s no excuse not to have a decent go-to vibe at the ready, whereby you’re forced to make your own sex toy on the fly with found objects. DIY contraptions may break (inside you), are often not aerodynamic, and are rarely as aesthetically pleasing as the real deal.

There are also so many eco-friendly rechargeable models that you no longer have to worry about batteries dying on you at that critical moment. (Okay, okay: if you scrub a firm cucumber clean and put a condom on it, we guess that kind of desperate ingenuity is permissible in a pinch. But please don’t serve it to any guests later.)