3. Heidi Montag
“The Montag, native to the hills of southern California, comes out of hiding periodically in search of resources. What makes the Montag so special is its specialized defense mechanism against threats to its well being: her cry face. By decreasing the distance between her eyes and her nose, the Montag puts predators and competitors in a state of fear and extreme confusion. The Montag uses this technique liberally, too. Its furrowed brow coupled with its excessive amount of tears actually paralyzes everyone who stares for just a little too long. There is no known cure for the Montag cry face. Experts suggest just looking away to avoid certain catastrophe.”
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