Steps on how to become her dirty confidante – In 2014, much credence is still given to the idea that men and women think about sex in a fundamentally different way. I’ve written about sex and relationships for the past 13 years, and many women have opened up to me about what trips their triggers.
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My takeaway is that men who buy into those purported differences are missing a golden opportunity to have a fully actualized sex life. Recent studies show that not only do women think about sex a fair bit, but they also have a much broader definition of what constitutes “acceptable” sex than men do.
It’s going to take a little introspection, but by following the steps below you could be on your way to earning a reputation as a guy who’s a go-to provocateur of sexual adventure and satisfaction.
Ever heard that men think about sex every seven seconds? Turns out there’s not a shred of evidence to back that up.
1. Forget what you’ve been told.
Regrettably, there remain some false yet pervasive perceptions about human sexuality that are intended to shame, humiliate and ostracize. Throughout history, women have been the target for much of that sexual stigmatization. “Slut-shaming” is a term given to describe the act of making women feel guilty for sexual conduct beyond what a society has deemed okay. Not only is slut-shaming a heinous bullying tactic, tolerating it—much less perpetrating it—is going to have a seriously negative impact on your own sex life.
Pernicious ideas still suggest that men are inherently more sex-focused than women. Ever heard that men think about sex every seven seconds? Turns out there’s not a shred of evidence to back that up. In 2011, Dr. Terri Fisher, a psychology professor at Ohio State University at Mansfield, decided to provide some bona fide data on how often men and women think about sex. She gave 283 students between the ages of 18 and 25 a clicker to record every time they thought about food, sleep or sex. Although on average, men noted more thoughts about sex than women, they also reported more thoughts about food and sleep. And a large portion of female participants thought about sex much more than many of their male counterparts.
Although Fisher’s results defanged an old double-standard debate, Professor Todd Morrison of the University of Saskatchewan authored a study showing a new one. In his research, he showed that men were more likely than women to think that many sex behaviors—watching pornography, masturbation, being physically restrained during sex, voyeurism and a slew of other activities—were “abnormal.” The bottom line? Making an effort to understand and cater to your partners’ sexual appetites and imaginations is always win-win.
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