2. Put it out there.
Unlike me (and a seemingly inexhaustible procession of elected officials), you probably don’t post your sexual escapades all over the internet. The advantage of living a big chunk of my sex life out in the open is that people, specifically women, quickly feel comfortable telling me about their own, thoughts, fantasies and experiences. “You went to a foot-fetish party? My past three boyfriends have been all about my feet!” “I like being choked during sex. Is that normal?
“Ask the right questions, and she’ll describe her likes and dislikes in a way that you can put to good use.”
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Though it’s certainly handy (albeit inaccurate) for me to be introduced to people as a “sexpert” at parties, you don’t need to have a raunchy résumé to get current or even prospective partners to open up about their sexual side. If a conversation is getting appropriately saucy, offer up something you’ve done or think about doing. Whether it’s recounting the time you and a co-worker had sex in the supply closet or the fact that you have a leg-warmer fetish that you attribute to a childhood crush on Jennifer Beals, confidently, unapologetically put it out there. You’ll broadcast an attractive comfort with yourself and suggest that you won’t be quick to judge her sexual proclivities.
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