Why pineapple juice makes him taste better in bed – I love my boyfriend. And I love giving him blow jobs. What I do not love is the taste of spunk. No matter whose semen it is, it tastes like a cross between sour juice, bitters, mold, and a dirty sock. Even Bobby Flay couldn’t make this milky concoction taste good.
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I’ve hypothesized women who say it tastes good are either a) lying or b) have taste buds damaged by years of smoking. But I don’t smoke … and like Abe Lincoln, I cannot tell a lie. I love a nice pearl necklace, but the taste of semen makes me gag.
Maybe it’s nature’s way of saying put that sperm in your vagina, but I couldn’t care less. I am dedicated to being a good girlfriend. I wanted to enjoy his man chowder. I wanted to relish it with the same fervor I do a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s Heath Bar Crunch. Intrepid scientist that I am, I wanted to know how to make it taste better.
I had often heard that different food and drink could improve or worsen the taste of semen but the scientific research on it is almost nonexistent. Shrouded in mystery and hearsay many of the methods have few tales of firsthand accounts. So with my boyfriend’s very enthusiastic approval we decided to give it a whirl in a four-part experiment that included pineapple juice, celery, meat (to see if it makes it taste worse and therefore should be avoided) and Masque Flavor Strips, which claim to mask the taste of semen.
Men and women of the world, you’re welcome.
1. Pineapple Juice
Since what seems like the invention of the juicer, the wonders of pineapple juice have been lauded for their semen-sweetening abilities. And after my first sip I can see why; it’s like drinking a glass of sugar water. So sweet is the bright yellow-orange juice I feel like I might instantly go into diabetic shock. And I’m not even diabetic. M, for his part isn’t as grossed out at first, but after three days emphatically tells me he can’t possibly drink another glass of pineapple juice without hurling.
We had our first tasting while on a southwest road trip. It was a warm summer day, the scenery was beautiful, and I felt inspired to make the drive a little more exciting. So while M was driving, I unzipped his pants and went to work. Maybe it was the wind blowing in our hair or the bubbling sounds of the river next to us, but M came faster than he ever had. Swishing him around my mouth, I realized it actually did taste significantly sweeter. Not coconut crème brûlée sweet, but sweet enough to neutralize any harsh flavors. Gone was the bitter, sour, taste and its place was a neutral light sugary taste that was much more palatable than the original. To M’s delight, I let out an enthusiastic “mmmmm!” I was surprised and excited; maybe I could start to swallow without gagging!
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