2. Celery
After doing some research, I begin to suspect M has tricked me. Celery is known more for increasing liquid volume not changing flavor. Perhaps he’s just looking forward to giving me a larger pearl necklace? According to connoisseur of all things sex-related, Motley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee in his bookTommyland asked porn star Peter North how he “sandblasts every single girl in his scenes with a gallon of man juice.” To which North told him to eat a bunch of celery the day before.
When I confront him, M insists he was not trying to fool me and that he really heard celery makes semen taste good. So we proceed as planned. Perhaps the celery would even produce the elusive female jizz. In case you’re wondering, a bunch of celery is a lot. At 6’3, M can eat all day long and had no problem incorporating the celery into his diet (though by day three even he’s sick of it). At 5’1, I have the metabolism and appetite of a small bird. Eating that much celery causes me to eliminate things I actually enjoy eating. For example, instead of my normal scrambled eggs for breakfast I am now eating celery with peanut butter. Snack time, I skip mixed nuts for celery with ranch.
Three days later, stuffed to the gills with celery, we take turns going down on each other while watching a basketball game on my sofa. I brace myself waiting for a geyser of semen to shoot out at me. Instead all I got was the normal load. I suppose if I had been trying to get pregnant I’d be disappointed, but seeing as I wasn’t I was thrilled to not have to swallow any extra. Flavour wise, the semen sample was better tasting than normal (as in not bitter or salty) but not as good as the sweeter pineapple-infused version.
As for me, M, (as he predicted), couldn’t tell the difference even after a good 20 minutes of oral.
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