3. Meat
It’s been suggested that vegetarians “taste better.” And as someone who is a vegetarian (or pescatarian, to be exact) I wanted to prove that this axiom was true. M is not only a meat eater but a hunter so he’s been not-so-secretly hoping that I would join the other team. So of course, he was thrilled with this part of our experiment. I was just excited to prove that I would taste and smell stinky after eating meat. Trying to create a smelly vagina for my boyfriend might be a first.
So for three days, I stopped being a vegetarian and chowed down on everything from bacon to sausage to pork chops. M increased his meat intake, eating jerky for snacks and forgoing vegetables.
When it came to showtime, we were a little exhausted after what was a long day for both of us. Our normally spontaneous sex sessions had taken on a bit too much planning and regulation. Nonetheless, even though we both wanted to sleep, we soldiered on. He headed down south, while I eagerly hoped I didn’t taste good. But alas after he finished me off, he came back up to report that once again he tasted no difference.
I felt let down by friends at PETA but I focused on my work ahead of me. I slid down between his legs, until he was ready to come. The verdict? Pretty much the same as his normal stuff. I guess he wouldn’t be giving up meat anytime soon.
4. Masque Flavor Strips
Given that downing the same thing constantly over the course of three days was making us ill and becoming very repetitive, we were thrilled to discover an easier solution: Masque Flavor Strips. One of the benefits of being a sex writer is that you learn about products that a normal person would never even conceive of.
The strips are dis-solvable flavored strips that are meant to be put in your mouth 15 minutes before fellatio. They come in four flavors; strawberry, watermelon, mango and chocolate. I decided to go for strawberry since as an amateur cook, that seemed like the flavor that would go best with cum. To get us back to spontaneous, I decided my best course of action would be to surprise him in the morning before work with a BJ. After having non-taste test sex, we fell asleep and around 6 am. I secretly slipped one of the strips in my mouth, shoved the blankets aside and went to work. M was pleasantly surprised and when he came 10 minutes later I was surprised too; the strip actually worked!
It did not offer 100 percent taste coverage but it did mask about 80 percent of the flavor making it much easier to swallow and ultimately more enjoyable for him. The only problem? The packaging is almost impossible to rip open which is a major buzzkill in the moment. In the future, I will definitely prepare by cutting open a package ahead of time. M returned the favor by popping a strip into his mouth and going down on me. At this point, I was unsurprised when he came back up telling me he didn’t really need it. If anything, it was distracting since he liked my actual taste. I knew I loved him for a reason.
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