7. OJ Simpson
If you and OJ Simpson become BFFs and you decide to bring him home for Thanksgiving dinner make sure you ask Al Cowlings to drive. That way at least you’ll stand a good chance of never making it there. Mom vividly remembers OJ’s car chase, the ensuing trial, “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit,” and the whole whacked-out media circus. In fact, call her. She’s probably watching The People v. O.J. Simpson on FX right now. It’s the kind of show moms can’t resist. There’s no way Mom is letting you bring some gloved-murderer into the house. On the other hand, Dad would probably be happy to help him find the murderers at the local public golf course.
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