It takes courage…
I received a shocking reality check at dinner last night, when my partner said to me, “I’ve given up on trying to love you, because I couldn’t find an effective way to communicate with you what I need without you getting defensive. So I’m just going to focus on myself.”
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OUCH!
My knee jerk reaction was an angry defense that was not very skillful, and lacked empathy and compassion for where he was coming from emotionally.
I kept thinking to myself, “What is the point of being with someone who’s stopped trying? If he’s given up, then what’s the point? I’m giving up too.”
I’ve been swimming in this scenario for most of my life as I struggle with chronic dissatisfaction in my love life — because I often do feel my needs aren’t being met.
Then I discovered the courage to accept these 3 un-sexy truths:
1. Expectations are simply premeditated resentments.
So here’s the first truth ladies: You have high expectations that your partner meet your core needs because you aren’t (yet!) able to meet them for yourself.
If you don’t know how to care for your heart, if you don’t know what you need — emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually — to live a happy, fulfilled life … then you will unconsciously expect someone else to do it all for you!
If you expect your partner to meet your needs by reading your mind and body language, I have to say, you’re fresh out of luck.
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