It is often the case that they attend to a number of people calling at once rather than just one person or two. The larger the group and the loudness of their approach, the better for the group.
You know, there’s this thing about misbehaving in groups that takes attention away from individuals. Now I had the option to continue being posh and expect them to do normal, or go solo at harassing them to bring the party to my side.
I couldn’t.
“Please give me food na”
So I just sat there humbly, pressing my phone and trying my damnedest best to show a nonchalance I wasn’t feeling at all.
“Haa God, I never chop since morning oooooo!”
Gosh, can this people just serve us without having to call out to them, please? I was screaming internally at this stage.
Hello. Hello? Is anyone out there? Can you hear me?
Ok, you can leave the moimoi out. Just gimme rice, salad and chicken.
No? Oh my Jesus.
I suddenly realized how alone I was in this world.
Lesson: If you ever hope to eat at a Yoruba wedding, be ready to call out, maybe even drag the servers by their clothes.
Dishes were being cleared and mounds of rice and chicken were being brought down to broken bones. I was getting none of the action. My soul was paining me, my stomach was aching. It had been filled all day with nothing but the aroma of jollof.
One whole hour after, I reached a conclusion in my mind that if they didn’t bring anything in the next 30 minutes, I’d be out of there.
Then it happened. Finally!
A ray of hope
One of the servers had one last juice in his little basket and saw us at our table looking depressed.
He must have seen the misery in our eyes when he scanned the table and found nothing but table water. Mine was untouched.
“Ahahn, bros, they never serve una anything for here?”
“No o,” I replied, and the two other people joined in with their voice for good measure.
My voice actually came out a little too strongly than I hoped.
Wow. Where did that flash of anger come from?
Baba, the things wey hunger dey cause for this life ehn…
The serving guy quickly offered us juice and promised to come back with a serving lady – and a tray of all the goodies, of course.
I let the two other people have the juice. More was coming. No lele.
False dawns & unhappy endings
You people, that’s why I’m actually writing this article oooo.
See, that promise was made in 2017. It’s 2018 already and I’m still screaming internally, waiting for the serving guy that served me drink and told me to wait on him for food.
Please if you know that guy that served me drink at Abule Egba and told me to chillax for him, please tell him to come and serve me my food o, I use God to beg him.
I’m in Lekki as I write this.
Can you guys actually believe, there was still small chops served to people; and I think there must have been asun too, because as at the time I and my sunken, shattered, bleeding heart, dry mouth and empty stomach were leaving that wedding, I saw them preparing something that looked like the end product would be asun.
And I had nothing to eat in the midst of all that.
Zilch. Zero. Nada. Not even a grain of rice or morsel of semo.
Fam, the painment!
I have attended three more weddings since then and cancelled two more because there was no one to go with.
It’s crazy that I had to go so far and wait so long to learn a lesson everyone apparently knows in this Lagos – never go to a Yoruba wedding alone.
Even if you are lucky and you get food, enjoy and do all sorts that are done there, the experience is never the same.
I attended a Yoruba wedding alone and it was one of the worst mistakes of my life for that year.
Don’t be like me, people. Do better.
Source: Pulse.ng
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