GUYS: 7 Ways to become very good in bed..

7. Learn to give and to receive

Giving pleasure is wonderful, but there is a barely-talked-about anxiety that can come along with truly being able to receive pleasure from someone else.

Whether it stems from growing up in a sexually repressed household, or being raised in a culture that sexually shames us left, right, and centre, a lot of people have hang ups about receiving sexual pleasure.

If you have a difficult time giving pleasure try the following…

First off, do away with all distractions. TV off, cell phones off and out of the room, kids put to bed etc.

Light some candles, put on soft music, and do whatever else calms your partner. Set aside a specific amount of time (or just block off your entire evening) and purely explore your partner’s body. Focus solely on them and their pleasure. Let them guide you with their words. It doesn’t even necessarily need to be sexual pleasure. If they ask for you to hold them and play with their hair, then give them what they have asked for (while still respecting your own boundaries of what you find comfortable and doable).

If you have a difficult time receiving pleasure try the following…

First off, do away with all distractions. TV off, cell phones off and out of the room, put the kids to bed etc.

Light some candles, put on soft music, and do whatever else calms you. Set aside a specific amount of time (or just block off your entire evening) and have your partner purely explore your body. Your only direction is to give them as much or as little verbal feedback as you need to feel blissfully content/happy/aroused. Maybe you want a massage for a while, or you might want to make out for half an hour with your clothes on. Whatever you would like your partner to do for you (within the comforts of their own boundaries) is all available to you as long as you have the courage to ask for it.

With both of these exercises (giving or receiving), you or your partner are likely to feel some internal resistance at times. We are not encouraged to be sexually ‘selfish’ and asking for what you need can bring up all sorts of nerves. That’s totally normal. Just breathe through it, expect that your loving partner will be gentle and encouraging with you through the process, and if you need to pause and take a break at any time throughout the process you are fully within your right to do that.

It isn’t your fault. Our sexual education system was lacking.

While we were taught about many things in high school, some of the things that would become the most integral to our overall emotional fulfillment went essentially unmentioned (how to be an attentive lover and good relationship partner, for example).

My hope is that this article starts a conversation between you and your partner in some capacity.

If the seven steps feel overwhelming, start with whichever one is the most doable for you. Start there, and take baby steps towards your goal of having a truly thriving love life.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you have soul-shaking orgasms as frequently as you want them.

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