3. HE HAS LEFT THE NEST
It’s nice when a man is close with his mother, but if she knows where you are 24-7 or is snuggling in-between the two of you on movie night, you’ll feel more like a sibling than a significant other (been there, dated that). “Family-oriented includes spending quality time together, celebrating with one another, and supporting each other.
Family-obsessed is another story. If it feels there is a competing element involved, you may feel that regardless of what you do or say, the family will win,” she says. One that accepts you too quickly is also a big no-no. “If his entire family is adding you on Facebook the first month or your meeting the family on the first few dates, you’re seeing big, red flags,” she says.
The Family/Relationship Equation: It’s important to remember that every family has a different set of values and boundaries, but your guy needs to know where his childhood ends and adulthood begins. “He needs to be able to stand on his own two feet as a self-reliant man who makes his own decisions, can face the world on his own and pay his own bills without help. If he can’t, these are important factors to consider,” says Estes.
When It’s Workable: “It’s a good sign when your guy can set boundaries and is open to having conversations about your feelings while making you feel like a priority,” says Estes. Better yet, these traits can help to make a relationship work even when you’ve had an initial set-back. “It doesn’t mean you have to end things if you don’t get along with the family in the beginning. It’s more important to examine how the two of you work through these issues. You’ve got to make sure that the relationship is solid and can handle the conflict no matter what,” she says.
When It’s Not: If your man’s mom is having an issue every time you have a date or the majority of his conversations include his family members, it may be time to cut the chord. The “blood is thicker than water” approach is going to get in the way of your long-term love, warns Estes. “If his family is so far up on the pedestal where they always come first and take precedence over anything else, including you, you’ll feel run over,” says Estes. And really, who wants to make out with a man baby? No thanks.
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