3. One (or both) of you threatens to end the relationship.
When you threaten to break up with someone (or worse, divorce someone) during everyday conflicts, your partner will develop the impression that the relationship doesn’t matter very much to you. These types of threats don’t work well for getting what you want, and even worse, they imply that you don’t value the relationship. This implication is often far more damaging than the conflicts themselves.
Quick Remedy: Simply put, use something other than the relationship as leverage. For example, instead of threatening, “If you go to Vegas with your friends I’ll break up with you,” try, “If you go to Vegas with your friends I’ll feel worried the whole time.” Not only is the second statement more honest, it opens the door to addressing the deeper issue at hand.
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