4. Add “we,” but keep “me”
One of my all-time favorite romantic comedies is Jerry Maguire. We’re all whisked away in romantic bliss when he utters the words, “You complete me.” Sigh … so romantic. But this is such a destructive idea that will never result in a healthy, sustainable relationship.
The idea that two people coming together result in wholeness is deeply flawed. It suggests that our only way to wholeness is through a relationship.
The math for a healthy relationship is 1 + 1 = 3. If you have two whole individuals that come together to form a couple, there are 3 relationships; your relationship with yourself, your spouse’s relationship with himself or herself, and the relationship you create together.
To sustain a successful marriage for the long-term, it’s critical that you always nurture your relationship with yourself and create the space for your spouse to do the same. The more whole you are as individuals, the more successful and healthy your marriage will be.
So, is happily ever after even possible? Of course, it is.
The secret is to actively protect your new marriage by consciously committing to a lifetime of nurturing yourself and your partnership. If you do, rather than being doomed your new marriage will bloom into the wedded bliss you hoped for when you said, “I do.”
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