3. Sexual monogamy isn’t natural.
You’re not going to like hearing this, but it turns out that humans aren’t the only animal on Earth with a wandering eye. Only 3 percent of all mammals form a pair-bond to rear their young, and among the few who do, they still get quite a bit of sexual action on the side.
When it comes to our modern view of relationships, Fisher reminds us that the word monogamy, when broken down, means ‘one spouse’ (as it relates to pair-bonding for child rearing). “It does not mean sexual fidelity.”
Sexual monogamy is a social construct. We decided we wanted it around the Agricultural Revolution (for reasons that have far more to do with controlling women, protecting property, and securing bloodlines than “true love”), but sexual fidelity has almost never existed in nature. “We’ve never found a species that’s sexually faithful,” says Fisher. Fidelity is a quaint modern choice, but it is not a primal instinct.
Of course, that leads us to an obvious question: Is there any hope for true love and sexual fidelity?
Absolutely.
Though we’re each definitely wired with a genetic impulse to stray (and plenty of jerks will use that as an excuse for sneaking into bed with someone else), the most distinct hallmark of being human is … free will.
We continually evolve as a species (and as individuals) based on the conscious choices we make. And choosing to remain faithful to the partner you love is very much an option.
Just don’t stick your head in the sand about the REAL reason people cheat. Don’t foolishly assume your “love” is some magical pixie-dust that will override millions of years of evolutionary biology. When it comes to cheating, we make a lot of modern day excuses for what’s actually a very deep and primal instinct. As Fisher so eloquently states, “The greatest 21st Century issue in relationships will be how each of us handles these conflicting appetites.”
Just remember at all times that sexual fidelity is a choice, not a natural instinct. If you want your relationship to thrive, let your moral compass on the subject guide you, not your DNA.
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