Happiness – Luminita D. Saviuc is no stranger to hard times. The blogger behind Purpose Fairy.com grew up with an abusive father, spent part of her childhood in a Romanian orphanage, and then struggled in a toxic romantic relationship as an adult. But she refuses to let those difficult experiences define her.
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“The story of your past doesn’t have to become the story of your life,” Saviuc says in her new book, 15 Things You Need to Give Up to Be Happy ($12; amazon.com), which is based on one of her blog posts that went viral (1.3 million Facebook shares and counting).
In the book, Saviuc shares many of the lessons she learned during her healing process, as well as insights from ancient Eastern wisdom, contemporary spirituality, and scientific research on positive psychology. While many of the concepts are rooted in complex ideology, the takeaway is simple: To move forward, you need to let go of the things that are holding you back.
We reached out to Saviuc to find out where to start. Below are the four things that she recommends giving up first.
1. Self-defeating self-talk
In her book Saviuc quotes novelist Roderick Thorp: “We have to learn to be our own best friend, because we fall too easily in the trap of being our own worst enemies.”
Sound familiar? By focusing on our shortcomings, we lose sight of what we can do, explains Saviuc: “The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your beliefs, which then determines how you live your life.”
Try to catch your self-criticisms as they run through your mind, and ask yourself: Are these things true? andWould I talk to a loved one this way? The answer to both questions is likely no.
The more you factcheck your negative thoughts, the less power they will have. In time you will become kinder to yourself, says Saviuc, and more self-assured. When that happens, letting go of all the other things will be much easier to do.
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