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My observation is that the best way to find your soulmate is to notice what upsets you—and him/her—and talk about where that upset comes from.
Sound simple? It’s not, but it is a path to creating a soulmate relationship with the partner you’re already with.
You see, memories stored in our unconscious play a big part in falling in love. We look for and respond to something that is familiar, even if being with that person is uncomfortable.
Sometimes, if we had a hard time with a parent or sibling when we were young, we grow up and fall for someone like that person. That new partner serves as a surrogate to “get it right this time.” We assume, as a grown adult who can make our own destiny, that we can repair the hurt that happened when we were young—and we often choose someone in our present to make that possible.
Why would we choose someone like a person who hurt us? Because we aren’t aware we’re doing it.
Example: Diane lost her father before she was a year old and always longed to fill the void. When she looked at a list of her relationships, she realized every man she chose was somehow unavailable.
She said, “Wow. If I could make someone unavailable love me it’d be like having my Dad back.” This is a dramatic example, but as a therapist I see people who make the same kinds of choices. Diane picked a very difficult scenario.
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