7. Try having sex together
Remember you have three months to practice this. Rushing this process too fast creates an unsafe environment. Start slowly and lean into taking advantage of the work you’ve done in all the previous steps. This sexual practice requires you both to relax together and alternate being the active member and receptive member in each sexual encounter.
Get naked and climb into bed together. Do not request actions you know your partner does not like to do. You can go as far as you both feel comfortable in your naked movement toward intercourse. In each episode, increase the foreplay you’ve both appreciated. The important thing is to take risks in a consequence-free, safe environment. You’re relearning your partner’s comfort zones and rebuilding sexual trust between you.
Here’s how this works: The receptive member holds the active person for several minutes in several different positions. The active member asks for a specific type of foreplay (i.e kiss my neck, stoke my thigh, tell me things you like about me, etc.) You are 100 percent successful if you both end this process feeling relaxed. If sexual excitement has grown and been sated, wonderful! However the purpose here is establishing a harmonious rhythm that you add onto in the future. End each sexual encounter holding each other until relaxed.
This whole process is design to have changed your sex life by the 20th encounter.
Remember: The more curiosity you bring to this process, the more you’ll learn about your partner, sparking an even deeper desire for understanding. This is the opposite direction than knowing what’s “wrong” with your partner.
Be kind to yourself and each other. You’re looking for progress, not perfection or completion. Without the back-and-forth of typical relationship fighting, you can better imagine new ways to let yourself be visible to your partner. Practice holding yourself accountable.
–YourTango
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