Signs that your “Soulmate is becoming a ‘Roommate” – It’s insidious and before you know it the love of your life turns into someone just sharing a space –here’s how to avoid that from happening. In perusing Facebook this morning, I noticed this that a good friend of mine and his wife just celebrated their 33rd anniversary.
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I know them well and their relationship is solid, which makes them a rarity. Unfortunately, it has been my personal and observed experience that most marriages that “last” are really just a comfortably shared misery of settling that so often occurs when things don’t work out and neither party has the nerve to end or even acknowledge it. When I ended my own marriage of 26 years it was because I could no longer accept that we had gone from soulmates to roommates. A state of marital blisslessness that we shared for the last 11 years of that union. Public Displays of Affection is the First Thing to Go Unfortunately, it’s just not too often we see long-term couples holding hands or kissing these days. There was a time when my ex-wife and I kissed and held hands and I remember distinctly when we stopped. That was when I knew our relationship was in trouble. And these problems only get worse when the kids leave the nest and the two of you are looking at each other with the unspoken thought of “Now what?” Ideally, you don’t wait until that point to address the lack of intimacy and connection –because if you do, chances are it’s already too late. The Warning Signs As a result of that experience and my observation of many other similar couples it became clear there are distinct warning signs that we could have noticed only if we had been paying attention. I share these with you now, especially if you are just starting out, so you hopefully can avoid this same fate.
1. Incompatibility – it is often said that opposites attract. That may be true, but eventually those differences may become a growing wedge between you. Before we said our “I do’s”, my ex-wife and I discussed what we each wanted out of life. She said she wanted (metaphorically speaking) a house with a picket fence, a dog and cat and at least a couple of kids. She just wanted everything to be “normal”, kind of like a Leave It to Beaver or technicolor Pleasantville experience. To which I responded that “normal” was the last thing in the world I ever wanted –I was here to make a difference and not just go through life being comfortable and content. She found my drive and ambition exciting, I found her groundedness reassuring. Eventually however, these differences were a big (but not the only) factor that caused us to drift apart.
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