5. Settling – there is a huge difference between acceptance and settling. Acceptance means you acknowledge the differences and quirks of your partner and never let them become the source of resentment. A good way to do this is see your partner’s uniqueness as an adventure to be explored and savored. Settling means, at some level, you resent (i.e. resist) some of these differences but choose to live with them because it would be too uncomfortable or scary to do otherwise. The trouble with settling is that it is that it tends to grow like a cancer until you’ve found that your entire relationship is just one big resentment-filled settlement (i.e. you are now officially just roommates).
Don’t Delude Yourselves
If you are reading this and just starting out on your life together, I get it. Everything seems perfect, you are both totally in love and nothing, I mean nothing could ever change that. Without trying to be too harsh about this, I say… bullshit. While a barren and soulless existence together as you grow older does not have to be fait accompli, to avoid it does require you both be proactive towards the success of your togetherness. Long-term successful relationships take hard work, constant vigilance and a willingness to work things out with authentic and vulnerable communication. It also takes being super-aware of the potential pitfalls I’ve identified above. While even that won’t assure success, it will guarantee the highest possibility for its attainment.
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