12. She’s plays the victim or martyr.
Martyrs are perpetual victims and complainers. Their view of the world is that it’s “them” against “poor-little-me.” Probably for their whole lives, they’ve felt picked on and singled out. They’ve grown up to believe that they’re especially victimized by everyone and every system. These are usually people with very low energy, bordering on depression. They’re not looking for solutions—only acknowledgment and poor-baby sympathy.
- How this relationship affects you: It’s draining to be around victim-martyrs, because they’re constantly talking about the deep dark hole in which they live. At first, you’ll be shocked by how much this person has been mistreated throughout his or her life. And you might lose sleep worrying about him or her surviving in this world. But after a while, you catch on that this person has an amazingly long string of bad luck, way beyond statistical chance. You also notice that this person rejects suggestions and advice. He or she will say, “Oh, I’ve already tried that, and here’s why it didn’t work.”
- How to handle this: Since victim-martyrs look for rescuers, and then eventually start to resent their rescuers and persecute them, avoid investing a lot of time in this relationship. There are plenty of true victims who sincerely want help, and who desire to improve their lives. There’s no sense in wasting time on someone who only wants to complain. Don’t let victim-martyrs tell you how you are to help them.
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