5. Then there’s stalking.
Stalkers take the needy and clingy behavior to a whole new, and sometimes dangerous, level. Almost always, this is an ex-lover who won’t let go. He or she shows up at work, your home, or your friends’ homes, calls you, and incessantly begs you to return to the relationship. Very often, these pleas are accompanied by promises that he or she has really changed this time. If you don’t comply with the person’s wishes, the behavior may escalate to abuse or threats.
- How this relationship affects you: For some people, having a stalker is a misguided boost to their self-esteem. But make no mistake, stalkers don’t love you. They want to own and control you, which is the opposite of true love. If the stalker is telling you that his or her life is ruined without you, or threatening to commit suicide if you don’t come back, you may be racked with guilt and worry.
- How to handle this: Don’t give this person the satisfaction of any form of reaction. Any reply that you offer encourages him or her to continue stalking you. Have the stalker’s number blocked from your phone, or change yours if you have to. Block him or her on your e-mail and social-media sites. Have no contact with the person whatsoever. If there’s any history of violence, contact authorities and file for a restraining order. Don’t take threats lightly. Vow that in any future relationships where there’s signs of extreme jealousy, controlling behaviors, or stalking, you’ll run the other way.
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