4. We are immature attention seekers.
We play the blame game and act childish. We refuse to take responsibility for our own actions and blame others for everything. We act out to get the attention from our partners and, in an effort to avoid changes, we learned early on that it may be the only way we know how to cry out for affection. Turn-around: We are aware that it’s essential to articulate our expectations, our wants and needs to our partners in a relationship. When our needs and expectations aren’t met, it leads to tension, which mounts and turns into chronic frustration and anger. This eventually eats away at the love and happiness in a relationship. The more we give our partner love and respect, the more they return them.
5. We are afraid of being alone.
We understand that our parents went through a tough divorce, but we felt alone without support from them. If one parent left, it signaled us that they did not love us and did not want to be with us anymore. We felt tremendous loss. We felt abandoned and became resentful. We need constant reassurance that everything is okay and we are safe under the circumstances. We don’t choose our love. Instead, we want to be chosen in a relationship. Turn-around: When we enter into a relationship we expect it to last, maybe even for the rest of our life. But in reality, lifestyles change and so do people. After watching our parents’ marriage dissolve into divorce, we eventually learn to assess our own relationship values, must-haves and deal breakers. Hence, love becomes a deliberate choice.
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